Random Thoughts Of the Day

So, after you break up with a person, it's hard to gauge how long is an appropriate "mourning" period. I mean is it wrong to break up with someone on a Monday night and then already have a date by Tuesday?? I think not. By all standars, I have done nothing wrong by moving on quckly. there is no point on dwelling on the past. I figure that I'm young, and it's important to get out there and really look for the right guy, that way when it's time for me to settle down and get married, I'll know he's thje right guy because I've looked everywhere, and found him. So I have talked to just about everyone I know, recounting the drama of Caleb and I, and everyone agrees that it's good it's over. I did recieve one interesting bit of information from a guy in my jewelry class about relationship. Her said "Most relationships fail because a girl goes into it thinking she can change the guy, and the guy goes into it hopeing the girl will never change." if nothing else, this proves to me that there are in fact nice guys in this crazy world.

The End of a Chapter

The chapter in my life involving Caleb is now over. It comes as no surprise, but he was not in fact the love of my life. He is a very nice guy; however he is much more a child than a man. Not being whole himself, he had nothing to offer me. The relationship, if it can be called that, was very one-sided. I drove to see him because his car was broken, I called him, because if I didn’t I wouldn’t get to talk to him, and I was the one doing the majority of the decision making. When it comes down to it, I would have let things go on much longer than they should have, simply because it is not in my nature to give up or to hurt those I care about. I was sure that in breaking up with him, I would demolish him, and he would wait another two years to date again. The thing is that I cared about him a little too much, gave him more than he had earned, and required more growth from him than he could bear. He did the breaking up, saying that he just wanted to be alone, being sure to tell me that there was no one else, I had done nothing wrong, and it was simply his unready ness to have a girlfriend that was the cause of the relationship’s demise. I am very happy that it is done. I have learned a lot, mostly what I don’t want in a relationship. I need someone who I feel safe with and who takes care of me. Caleb was a good experience, but I refuse to settle. So, although I am sad that I was dumped and a relationship had to come to an end, I am happy that it is over and I can move on to bigger and better things.

Bumps along the way

Sometimes I get to a point in my life wher I have to just give up. I have so many things on my plate at once that I can't seem to get a handle on any one thing. Then, I end up neglecting those things that are most important to me and my focus gets all blurry. I get lost and the path that was once so clear is now impossible to find. I just have to give up a little of my control and say "Ok God, well I've pretty much only got two choices...keep going till I'm gone, or stop being so stubborn and let you help me out." This week I reached that point. I ahve had so many things going on at once, and so m any things to worry about that I finally just put down a few of the balls I was juggling. I decided that worrying about someone I love who is sick was doing no one any good. All I can do is hope for the best and pray. I also gave up on trying to change the destructive behavior of my friends, and just be there for them when they need me. I decided to stop trying so hard to be someone or something I'm not, and just let things happen. School is uber important, so I'm doing my best and working hard to pass all my classes with an A. My family is also important. I feel that I need to appologize to them for temporarily losing sight of their importance, because in this world very few things oare constant, change is inevitable, but the love of one's family is ALWAYS there. I love them all more than they know. My friend s are also important, and I've not been good about keeping in touch, but I am starting to get better. I also have realized, that while Caleb is important to me, he shouldn't be the most important thing in my life, mostly I decided this because recently I overheard him in a conversation saying that the most important thing in the world to him was his turbo kit. So, he's a great guy, and he makes me laugh...but family and school have got to come first. So yeah...right now I'm just tryiong to catch my breath and find that path.

Rings True

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold."-Frodo

You can never be the person you once were. You can never go back to change your past. You cannot undo what has become history. You can only move forward and make the best of what comes, and pray you never wish to go back to fix what you have made wrong. What is done is done...now, make peace with it and move on, that you might live rather than always look back...and miss your life over someone elses. Regret is the hardest burden to bear.