Dave Loner

My Grandpa is dying. He has had cancer for a few years now...two I think. He has lyphoma, which means that it is in his Lyph system. Your Lyph system is throughout your entire body. He has tumors in his neck, under his arms, in his abdomen, and slowly they are cutting off the function of his vital organs. He has been through treatment, after treatment, after treatment. He has had chemical chemo, radiation therapy, and numerous other treatments to try to get the tumors to shrink. He went into remission for about three monthes before last Christmas...or around then. Then, the tumors started growing again...worse than before. My Grandpa is only 56. He's teh healthiest person I know...other than the cancer. He takes his vitamins every day...excercises religiously, goes to church every Sunday. He has been there for me my enire life. He is the father that I never had...the one man that has never let me down. He is supposed to walk me down the isle on my wedding day. He is my hero. My grandparents have been together since they were like 20...he is her world and she his. They love one another and have been through more than I can imagine. I have only been with Cat a few months, and I can't even fathom life without him. I don't know what I would do if I was watching him slowly drift away after loving him for 30 years. I would lose my mind. I love my Grandpa. He is so brave and strong. Every time I talk to him, I ask him how he's doing. It doesn't matter how crappy he feels, or how much pain he's in, he always says "i'm doing great kiddo." He won't talk about himself. He always changes the subject...asks about how I am...how Cat is...anything but how sick he is. He told me the last time that I saw him...that he was always proud of me...that he loved me...and that he would watch over me from heaven. I broke down. I can't believe that this is happening. He gets worse every day. His kidneys are failing...all his organs are slowly giving out. He's dying. I can't stop it. He's in so much pain. The man who has always been so strong...used to play for the Colts...jock extrodinaire...is no more. Each time I see him, he looks older...more worn out than ever. His skin hangs on his small and weak frame. His muscles have long-since been reduced to nothing. He is skinny, pale, and his eyes are sunken in. I have to choke back tears when I see him, talk to him...or even think about him, I don't know what to say...or what to do. I'm losing him. My father and my Grandpa all at once. I wish he could just go...quickly, painlessly...and be with God. He is ready. If anyone is, he is. He has made his peace with God and faced all his demone...now...we wait. I know that people die, that everyone loses someone, that I should get over it...move on...face reality. I can't. He is too important to me. I may just keep adding to this...memories, feelings, thoughts...it makes it a little easier to know that I'm losing him. I never want to forget him...ever...so bear with me. Don't read it if you are going to be cynical. Let me make my peace with the end of a great man.