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I wonder some times, what is the point in all this. Why do we do the things that we do and what impact will they have down the road. I wonder how one choice will effect the rest of my life, while the thousand before made no difference. I wonder where the prize is...Because this is surely a game. I hate the game...I hate deceit and lies and the pain they inevitably cause. I hate keeping it all inside...Emotions...Well the unacceptable ones at least. It's not easy to maintain, this facad I put up every day. There is so much more bubbling beneath the surface, but held back by the bounds of society. I am the norm, but I am by no means typical. I get what I want, but only by means that are necessary...Whatever they may be. I am all those things I hate. I am loved by many, but known by none...And how can you love someone you don't even know. Life is short, but it drags on forever. When you want something time crawls, but when it's a moment you dread...It comes in the blink of an eye. Your heart never breaks, it is merely ripped apart one tiny piece at a time. Life is tragic...Life is beautiful...Life is frail...Life is certain...Life is predictable...Life is random...Life is what you make it. If you are miserable, you allow yourself to be so...You choose your destiny...No one else. So don't complain about a choice you made...Live with it...Deal with it...And move on.

Long Time No See

Ah well...no excuses this time. I've clearly been neglecting my poor blog. Myspace is addicting...what can I say. Most of my free time has been spent on there. News...hmm...ok...well Joey and I broke up for starters. I broke up with him, to be exact. I just got to the point where I knew that he loved me more than I loved him and that I could never be who he needed me to be. We are going very different places in life and niether of us needs someone who is going to hold them back or make them change. He is a grat guy and a really good boyfriend, but not the man for me. Joey took it hard. He was mad at first, and then sad, and then tried to get back with me. We hung out once after, and it was ok...not too akward. I could tell he still had really strong feelings for me. I eventually just told him that I was dating someone else and that I didn't have a lot of free time. He got mad when I said that maybe we shouldn't talk for awhile...and so now we aren't. it's too bad, we could have at least been friends, but then again...does that ever really work out? next...i got in to Berry College...so that my friends is where I'll be oing to college in late August. I'm excited...i am a theater major...how sweet is that. I am now dating Cat...well Catalin is his real name, but we all call him Cat. He's been my friend for more than a year and a half. We've always liked eachother, but things were always too complicated. i either had a boyfriend or had a crush on one of his friends...oops. Cat owns his own auto shop. He's Romanian. He's older...i like that flavor. He's a good guy...we';ll see where this goes. What else...umm...Melvin lost his job...porr guy...over some stupid crap. I guess that's about it...broke up, accepted to college, new guy...yup...that's it. Night ya'll...Jerra