Dave Loner

My Grandpa is dying. He has had cancer for a few years now...two I think. He has lyphoma, which means that it is in his Lyph system. Your Lyph system is throughout your entire body. He has tumors in his neck, under his arms, in his abdomen, and slowly they are cutting off the function of his vital organs. He has been through treatment, after treatment, after treatment. He has had chemical chemo, radiation therapy, and numerous other treatments to try to get the tumors to shrink. He went into remission for about three monthes before last Christmas...or around then. Then, the tumors started growing again...worse than before. My Grandpa is only 56. He's teh healthiest person I know...other than the cancer. He takes his vitamins every day...excercises religiously, goes to church every Sunday. He has been there for me my enire life. He is the father that I never had...the one man that has never let me down. He is supposed to walk me down the isle on my wedding day. He is my hero. My grandparents have been together since they were like 20...he is her world and she his. They love one another and have been through more than I can imagine. I have only been with Cat a few months, and I can't even fathom life without him. I don't know what I would do if I was watching him slowly drift away after loving him for 30 years. I would lose my mind. I love my Grandpa. He is so brave and strong. Every time I talk to him, I ask him how he's doing. It doesn't matter how crappy he feels, or how much pain he's in, he always says "i'm doing great kiddo." He won't talk about himself. He always changes the subject...asks about how I am...how Cat is...anything but how sick he is. He told me the last time that I saw him...that he was always proud of me...that he loved me...and that he would watch over me from heaven. I broke down. I can't believe that this is happening. He gets worse every day. His kidneys are failing...all his organs are slowly giving out. He's dying. I can't stop it. He's in so much pain. The man who has always been so strong...used to play for the Colts...jock extrodinaire...is no more. Each time I see him, he looks older...more worn out than ever. His skin hangs on his small and weak frame. His muscles have long-since been reduced to nothing. He is skinny, pale, and his eyes are sunken in. I have to choke back tears when I see him, talk to him...or even think about him, I don't know what to say...or what to do. I'm losing him. My father and my Grandpa all at once. I wish he could just go...quickly, painlessly...and be with God. He is ready. If anyone is, he is. He has made his peace with God and faced all his demone...now...we wait. I know that people die, that everyone loses someone, that I should get over it...move on...face reality. I can't. He is too important to me. I may just keep adding to this...memories, feelings, thoughts...it makes it a little easier to know that I'm losing him. I never want to forget him...ever...so bear with me. Don't read it if you are going to be cynical. Let me make my peace with the end of a great man.

Hey

I realized that I haven't posted a blog in forever, and then when I finally do, its all sorts of depressing. I am doing really well. School is fine...moving along slowly. I was sick for a week and missed a lot of class, but it isn't a huge deal. I'm only taking about 12 hours, so I'm not too terribly bogged down. I am transferring to Kennessaw State at the end of this semester. I also found out that Erin may be coming too. She talked to her parents yesterday and they may let her transfer too. It would be nice to have her with me. Cat and I are good. I see him just about every weekend and we are nausiatingly cute when we're together, so I'm told. I think he's just about the greatest guy ever...and I guess he thinks I'm alright. He is so the "strong silent type" and just can't quite say how he feels, but I guess actions are louder than words. He does take good care of me, and I know that he's there for me when I need him...that counts for a lot. This weekend we are going to the Andretti Speed Lab with his friends, and a couple of mine maybe. It should be pretty fun. Then, Saturday is our day. We spend the whole day together...it is fantastic. I love getting to spend that much time with him. Sunday is the Superbowl! My Colts are playing....and this Indiana Girl is so going to be rooting for them! I love the Colts and I know that they are going to do well! So, this weekend should be great....and things in general are on an up-hill climb.

Pictures