Well, with a new relationship comes less time. My blog, unfortunatly, has suffered from my happy relationship. First off, I am well. School and graduation didn't turn out well. I didn't pass trig and will be going back January 4th for nine more weeks of school. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'll live. I've been spending a lot of time with Joey and Melissa (his sister and my friend). Things with Joey are good, well in general. The whole reason that I have time to update my blod is that he decided to go hunting for the week. Not a big deal, except that we had made plans to hang out this week. Grandpa is sick agaain, worse than before. the cancer is back with a vengence and his body is weak and he's in pain. We're going to see him Christmas day and will stay a few days. he has surgery friday to insert a tube to drain his kidneys, which are down to 40 percent function and then another surgery to take a biopsy of his tumors. So, things are ok, but not good. Say a prayer for my grandpa and my gram...Thanks, I'm off to fall into bed...Jerra

hardened by life
beaten by storms
dented by anger
broken by scorn
yet
softened by tender hands
mended by gentle words
smoothed by careful work
and
made whole
not quite
by means unknown
work to be done still
but
nearly home

Look beyond
into the future
see what they see
who they see
see the past and present
meshing in a torrent of dreams
hold them in your arms
pour your soul into the air
it condenses and runs into
his hand
what now
where to go with soul in hand
not away
death would follow
where to go with soul in hand
keep it locked away
safe as always
the soul was given
from locked away
locked away it will stay

Back to him
Arms crossed
He says he's sorry
Looks a little lost

You know he is
You can't stay mad
Not when he looks at you like that
Not when he kisses you like this

why run
are you scared
I thought not

why run
are you sad
I thought not

why run
are you mad
I thought not

why run
why run away
when you want to stay

scares you some
that loss of control
involuntary

why run
stay
see where it leads

like what you see
no
it's not the way it seems
see what you want
not what is real
want what you see
who you see
knowledge is power
or is it
do you want to know
no,
happy
numb perhaps
see what you want
hold who you see
mind wanders forbiden places
sees forbiden truths
forbiden by whom
they
those that forbid
ask
too many questions
listen to what you see
see it so loud
in every smile
every tear
tear away the wrapping
hold it in your hands
let go
keep
want
see what you want
want what you see
dream a good dream
all is not as it seems

Two things of note. I have recently started talking to my Dad's side if the family...long story. I have a brother, well a half brother, but Josh and Jake are both half brothers and they're my brothers...neways. I got pictures of my brother, Jonathan...who I havent seen, well ever really. So...this is Jonathan. The picture isn't tht great, but it's all I have.

Also...it's amazing how much Josh looks like him...speaking of old earwax boy...

We were in the computer room today. I was talking to him about how his day had been, so on and so fourth. I was playing with his hair...its all long and curly and fun to play with. He wouldn't take his hand off his forhead. Finally I manage a glimpse at what he's hiding. His widow's peak has been completely shaved off. I start laffing and he tells me that it was a friend...whatever. Then i ask if thts why he hasn't gotten his hair cut. He says yes, and I leave to room laffing. Poor kid.