My Grandpa

Well, where to start? I guess I should start about 18 years back. When I was born, it was not under the best circumstances. My very devout Catholic Grandparents were less than pleased that their daughter was pregnant and un-married. She was in college at the time. Rather than dis-own her or be mad, they did their best to help her. When my father left when I was about a year old and Mom had nowhere to go, they took her in. They let her live with them. My Grandma would watch me while my Mom worked or went to class. They were there for her when she really needed someone. Throughout my life they have been there, in thick and thin they have always been there to help us. Every time we move, they come and help. When money is tight, they help. When Mom or I needs advice, they are there. My Grandpa in particular has always been there for me when I need him. I know that I can ask him any time for help or advice and that he'll be honest with me. He has always been the prominant male figure in my life, offering me stability that other men in my life were lacking. He's shown me what kind of man I want to marry. My Grandpa is one of the few men in my life that I kow i can trust and depend on. Lately though, my rock has been a little shaky. Now, don't get me wrong, he is still the same man, but the fantasy I've had since child-hood about him living forever and always being there has slowly dissolved away. In it's place is reality, cold and harsh. My Grandpa was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago. It was bad. He has lyphoma, which means the cancer is in his lyph system, and throughout his entire body. It all started when they found a lump in his neck. The biopsy came back positive for cancerous cells. So began the his battle against cancer. The multiple scans of his body showed tumors everywhere. The fist round of chemo went well. He lost all his hair and a lot of wheight, but was soon in remission. After only a few months we found out he had a relapse and the cancer was back with a vengence. The original chemo had been geared toward the fast growing cancer cells that were threatening hjis life, but had missed the slower growing cells. the fisrt chemo had been chemical based, but now the doctor would have to use radiation therapy. The treatment has gone well thus far. He and Gram came to visit a few weeks ago. He was tired, but looked better than I had expected. This whole situation has been hard for everyone. The mere idea that i could lose him scares the crap out of me. He has always been ther for me, and the the idea that he could just be gone is incomprehnsable. I can't imaginbe life without him. It has always been my hope that he will walk me down the isle and be there when I have his great-grandchildren. I want him to be able to see me succede in life. i want him to see that I am someone he can be proud of and have faith in. While I was visiting him a few months agao, we got a chance to talk. We talked about everything. He told me that he was really proud of me and the woman I was becoming. That meant the world to me. It was like he knew exactly what I needed to hear. I'm never going to be ready for him to go, but I know that if anyone will make it to heaven, he will. So, I pray he won't leave for a long time, but when God calls him home, I won't have any regrets.