I collect broken people
I realized today...I collect broken people. I surround myself with others like myself, but broken. I choose people with bits missing...not physically, but spiritually or is it mentally. I suppose everyone is broken to some extent. My problem is that I try to fix them. I accept them for who they are, but deep down I think I can fix them, I can love them enough to heal their hurt. I guess it's a way of avoiding my own...I'm so busy fixing other people that i don't hurt so bad. One night I was talking to Joey about Jonathan. I'm not sure how it came up. I started telling him everything about what had happened with Jonathan. As I relayed the whole sordid tale...I started to feel sad. I had really loved him, but it didn't matter. I guess that my age was a big factor. I had successfully pushed thoughts of Jonathan out of my mind until last week. Melvin told me that he isn't doing good...i guess he's in a lot of debt. So there I went, thinking about him again. All those old wounds opened up. It pisses me off...why can't I just get over him. What did he do that was so damn wonderful? Nothing! Still, I will probably always love him, nad there is one of my missing pieces...one that makes me broken. He will always have a piece of my heart. Oh well, that is the way of thing...I've come to learn. Some day I will look back on all this and be glad for the way things happened. I can;t tell you the number of times that I prayed for God to bring Jonathan back to me...to give me one more chance. The other day I heard a country song "Thank God for unanswered prayers"...
1 Comments:
You are like your mom in this respect. You both have a lot of love in you, and an almost endless capacity for more. It's why we have puppies and kittens and bunnies and occasional stray children.
Not everyone is ready to be fixed when a problem is apparent. Just keep showing the love. When they're ready to fix their lives, they will find you again - or someone like you - who showed them that it can get better.
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